I’m Allowed to Be Angry and Still Be Loving.

To the version of me who thought anger made her dangerous,

You were never wrong for feeling it. You were just punished for showing it.

I know how it lives in your body. The heat. The blankness. The way your thoughts stir like a storm you can’t name. I know how quickly it consumes you, how emotion-blind you become, how the only thing louder than the rage is the guilt that follows. You were taught early, too early, that happiness was the only acceptable emotion. That anything else made you selfish, dramatic, unsafe. You learned to suppress everything just to stay loved. And now, even when your anger is justified, you feel like you’re pushing people away. Like you’re proving the very abandonment you fear.

But here’s what I need you to know: anger doesn’t cancel out love. It doesn’t make you unworthy of connection. It doesn’t make you broken.

You can be angry with someone and still love them. You can feel hurt and still want healing. You can set boundaries and still be kind. I know that’s hard to believe, especially when your boundaries were met with guilt trips and invalidation. When your mother told you you weren’t considering her feelings. When the rest of the family made you feel like your pain was too loud. But you weren’t wrong. You were just finally trying to protect yourself.

You’re still learning how to hold both. Anger and love. Protection and softness. You’re still working on it. And that’s okay.

Your partner sees you. Even when you yell. Even when you spiral. You talk things out. You repair. You don’t sweep things under the rug. That’s love. That’s accountability. That’s presence. And even when you struggle, when you raise your voice, when you get petty, you’re trying. You’re more aware now. You’re more honest. You’re more you.

You’re not perfect. You don’t need to be.

You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to be loving. You’re allowed to be both.

This isn’t a resolution. It’s a reminder. You don’t have to protect yourself from your own emotions anymore. You’re safe now. Even when you’re angry.